Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
