May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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