Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
