so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
