saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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