You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
