Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
