hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
