i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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