he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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