I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
