Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize