i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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