Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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