and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
