I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
