no, he came in my armpit
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
