I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
