He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
