The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
