my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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