Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i will never coherently bang her
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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