Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
