i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
