Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize