my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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