Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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