You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize