piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When are your genitals available?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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