He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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