You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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