I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize