I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
its liver damage thursday
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
