How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
