So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
