and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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