Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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