she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
