He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
