Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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