Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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