We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
