i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
