i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
