very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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