Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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