I can tuck mytits in my pants
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
