bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
