Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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