my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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