When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
