He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
