It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
