I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
