turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
