I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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