Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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