then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm like, not good at living.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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