This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
