I just cut my nipple shaving
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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