i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
