fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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