dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
