It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
