I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize