While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
