my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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