He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she woke up with a sticky ear
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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