hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
