Nicole vs. Life
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
