Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
