he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize