Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
