no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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