Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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