Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
