Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my sisters under your porch take her home
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
