from now on my penis is your penis
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
