Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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