can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
