...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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