Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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