I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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