just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
