i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This baby is an asshole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
