u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
