I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
