Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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