so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize