please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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