Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
