And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
