dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
