There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
