I puked a lego.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
