Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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