I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
