I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm having to shit out rocks
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