the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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