he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
