Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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